The Union—Part 3

The following day was Sunday, no one should be in the headquarter except for all the assigned engineers, I was not one of them. Kosygin had fulfilled my wish to meet me, saying, “I also had something to say to you.”

It was a rainy Sunday. Kosygin was late, the black coat he was always seen wearing was drenched. I saluted as soon as I saw him. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I had to run an errand beforehand.”

I knew he was such a busy man, it was an actual honor for me to have a meeting appointed with him. “Sir,” I started. “The matter I am about to talk to you—“

“I know, I know,” he said. “This is about Colonel Yuri Gagarin. He is also what I want to discuss with you. But Colonel, one problem: I am in no position to abort the mission.”

“But Sir, you are my—our last hope. The KBG wouldn’t lend us a hand. They, in fact, had brushed off all the lending hands available.”

Kosygin shook his head, “Unfortunately Colonel, I couldn’t be of a better help.”

“Nothing?” I pleaded, and he weakly shook his head again. “He is, a nation’s pride, will be killed in ship of thousands of errors, and you, Sir, with all due respect, a high officer couldn’t be of a better help? Is this how this nation’s treat their heroes? Nothing?”

He looked just as stunned as I did. I didn’t expect to spit all of the things I just said into his face. “I, I’m sorry, Sir,” I apologized. “I didn’t mean to—“

“No, it’s fine, it’s fine,” he fixed his way of sitting. “I get it. Your best friend is dying and you want to do something about it. I get it, you were the one who told him about the thin chance of him going back to earth safely. It was what I wanted to talk about to you.”

“About that—“

“No, Colonel, it’s fine,” he cut. “I knew it was definitely you who told him such information. And the fact that I am fine with it—this meeting is an absolute secret.”

“Thank you for your understanding, Sir,” I bowed to him. “And I might be rude for asking more but… I have a special request to make, Sir.”

“And what is that?”

I paused for a moment, making sure of my upcoming decision, “I request to be the replacement of Colonel Yuri Gagarin.”

He nodded, seemingly relaxed and not as tense as before. “I knew you would say that,” he said. “But Colonel, I’m still in no position to make any change. Besides, I thought you were medically unfit.”

And just before I let out another sigh of distress, Kosygin stated, “although I could propose you to be the backup pilot instead. But one thing that concerns me: you are medically unfit, Colonel.”

“Yes, medically unfit twice for training, but I am a prodigy, Sir,” I said proudly. “I have grown stronger, I have undergone medication, also I have flown the Voskhod- 1 if you remember, Sir. My health will not be a concern, if…”

“If?”

“If I will be dead in the end.”

It was settled, Kosygin agreed Soyuz-1 needed a ‘less-important’ pilot. But in spite of that, he had still been worried of me, I was a great pilot, too. But I told him to be rest-assured, “there is chance of living. I will help check on Soyuz-1.”

“Colonel Komarov,” he called me before I was about to leave. “Why are you doing this? Why are you sacrificing yourself, just for a friend?”

“That’s Yura,” I said. “And he’ll die instead of me. We’ve got to take care of him.”

Little did he know, a tear slipped down my eye. There was a bit, a tiny bit, piece of fear that was left in me.

The Union—Part 1

“Colonel Yuri Gagarin, please head to the main office immediately. We repeat, Colonel Yuri Gagarin…”

            The woman’s voice that echoed throughout the headquarter had always been an annoyance, at least for me. It was no more than because my name was the one thing to never be mentioned. My rank maybe was the same as Yura’s, but we were not the same after all.

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A Message for The Stars

I stood up behind my window,

looking up, eager to see you,

But you were not in sight,

Or anywhere.

Nor you,

neither your friends.

I felt lonely for a bit.

Then you showed up,

Flickering—red, white, red, white—to the same pattern.

I smiled,

“You did not leave me,” said I.

“At least, yet.”

A tear dropped,

“Please, don’t. I could not cope loneliness,” I begged.

You stopped flickering,

Did you get my message?

But I was still afraid,

all you gave me was silence.

“I could not cope loneliness, please,” I repeated.

“Then come,” you said, with a hand lending toward me.

I reached for you, smiling,

Even my tears stopped flowing,

And my dilemmas fled,

For I was freed—by you.

I left my window,

To travel the sky with you,

Your friends flickered, too,

I was, for once, happy,

Since I will face sorrow no more, as I am in your embrace forevermore.

08.06.16

Tonight was the national dark sky night to reduce light pollution, but still, no one tried, then nothing showed up. But a single star made me happy, it gave me hope.

Look, look. How much improbable my dream could possibly be? Oh, poor, poor thing. Pitiful me, so aware yet so ignorant about the instrument of dreams. Does this one intangible thing people fight against each other for, called love, considered as that one term everyone else has, called dream?

My Lord?

Does that apply only if I am the victim of it, sacrificing my own self, and the number one thing that has always been mankind’s pride, common sense?

For I have always been wrong, misplacing my heart everywhere, leaving trails of blood in its process. I prayed and prayed for you to guide me, but were they the intermezzos to my path of happily ever after?

This one time, this one mistake. Another one, correct. I fell in love with one, whom I know nothing about. Am I sinning, or am I loving, that is one question I keep asking myself. He, someone so grand and honored, did not seemingly deserve a rubble like I. Thus far, it did not stop me even a bit.

Is it counted, my Lord, for me to love someone so real, and yet unreal, without expecting anything in return—and will undoubtedly get nothing in return? Will this be permanent or will this be temporary, as things have always been?